Patience for love

Did you ever wonder in every relationships, you thought he/she was the one but at the end of those years, months, or days that he/she wasn't what you expected or he/she lied about everything about themselves and what they wanted?

I've been there and done that. I know about bad relationships and bad people. Everything in my life I had bad luck. Don't everyone? I was this close about to give up on love...until in the month of June. I met an amazing person well my cousin set us up. We ended up being best friends and we both had a crappy past. We also can be goofy with each other and not judge each other also. Bonus is that not also he loves me but he loves my son and treats my son like his own. Now we are engaged and having another baby boy in APRIL 2017.

So in my words even though you had a bad life in the past, God ALWAYS has a plan for you in  the future. A very beautiful loving future until it's that time.

Baby Daddy

ISSUES

All of a sudden my son's father CARES about him. Took him this long to actually CARE about my son. Last week, he tried to message me saying, "Come on we need to talk." I ignored all his messages. Then it was just getting too annoying. So I replied back. The whole conversation we had was about my son, but at a certain time he messages me like night time when CJ is asleep. Like an idiot he thinks he'll be wide awake. Why only know HE cares about my son? When he said he'll try to forget about us. Then I knew something was up, he told me if I still was going to file child support. I told him I don't have him on the birth certificate because he never supported our son. He wanted to go and fool around with other girls. So why would I want to put him on when he didn't even come to his birth and constantly I reminded him my son's due date. Anyway he wanted to know if I was because he wanted to "Join the army." BS cause he told me that when I was 4 months pregnant with CJ and now he's thinking about joining. All this free time he had and he wants to do it now. 

Oh! Here's the BIG part the last time he message me he asked if me and CJ were going to be in Oahu. I replied, "Yeah, Maybe." but then I asked him,"WHY?" He asked if he could see my son in JUNE and honestly I told him I don't think so after what he put me through, not one helped me through my struggles and my family dislikes him especially my father. Also I told him I don't trust him. All the lies he told me when we were together. 

More he got upset cause I said NO. He actually has no say so I blocked him off of Facebook and everything else. I don't even want to see him no more and my son don't need him either. 

Being a single mother I can be both mommy and daddy. WE don't need him or his help cause I've been doing it ever since he was born and only know the "father" decides to help when my dad was the one helping me financially and physically. So he can go enjoy his little vacation in Oahu but leave me and my son out of it. TRUST people I am not a bad person because of what I choose. And don't think I should give him a chance cause he had ALOT of chances with my son's life and he made the choice of screwing it up and he knows it. I don't want a DEAD BEAT DADDY in his life and mines. I dislike dealing with him cause its going nowhere with him. So that's my decision. 

CJ know matter what I am only doing this for you, HE was NEVER there. MOMMY was always there giving you all the love you needed and where was HE, in his own little world being a young kid that wants to fool around and only certain time that he'll call you. While you here with me, I have time to always be by your side my son. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS CJ.

First Easter

Me and my cousins were at Pearlridge and mind you my son was sleeping the whole time we were walking around just killing time. So I wanted my son to take his first Easter pictures since I was in Oahu, Hawaii. When we were standing in line, my son decides to get up but when the employees were taking his pictures all his pose was a BIG grouchy face. Was really funny. It was good thing the employees says we could come back to take another shoot for us. Couple hours later, my son was finally wide awake. Went back to the pictures. And so glad we did. This is how his picture with the Easter bunny came out and I totally LOVE it.

 He also had a funny picture with the Easter bunny.

LOL! My son has so many characters in him. Can't wait to see more.

Unknown Bruises?

This morning I woke up real early due to my son moving around so I knew he was going to get up pretty soon. Got his bottle, then burped him. Went to the bathroom to go and brush my teeth when I noticed on my left knee and left elbow, I saw these strange bruises. Don't even know how I got them.

One time when I had these mysterious bruises I asked my grandma if she knows how I got them, she said they might be ghost bruises. Ghost that makes a mark on you or something. I forgot the whole story about it when she told me about it, but all I know they are called "Ghost bruises" bruises that just came out of nowhere, you don't know when or how you got them. When she told me that, I kind of got scared because I do believe in ghost or any superstition or folk stories that my elders tells me. It really creeps me out.

Couple weeks later I and my son stayed in Oahu, HI to take a little vacay away from Maui. The first night my bruises were gone. Now I am back at home in Maui and let's see if the bruises come back.

MONEY

Money is always the issue. It's the root of all EVIL.

Let's start off with people telling you how to use your money wisely or your spending your money foolishly.
For me as a mother I don't spend my money foolishly I buy my baby what he needs. Box of diapers and wipes at Costco's. His milk/formula that's covered already with my WIC and SNAP. The problem right now is when people keeps asking you for money or when your siblings ask you when they don't even deserve it because they don't do chores or have bad grades. Then they put on a tantrum or get a hissy fit. Then your older relatives talk about YOU spending money foolishly when they use YOUR money for "bowling leagues" every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday,sometimes Saturdays. Also buy cigarettes when you have an e-cig/MOD. What irratates me the most is when they argue with you about your own money when you tell them "NO" so they bring up what they bought or did for you before. But in reality they are your older relatives they are suppose to give you what you need or for what you deserve.
I know my kid would have to earn for what he wants and he can exactly get what I didn't have when I was young.

Like I said MONEY is always in everyone's problem/issue. Paying bills, food, etc. Reality we need money to keep a roof over our heads but it's ridiculous how people tells you what for do with your money when it's yours. YOU earned it not them. If your kind hearted like me and give when they ask and don't expect them to pay back then I give you guys props. The only message I am saying is "Please don't tell people what for do with their money." It's theirs, not yours. If they do something dumb or are spending YOUR money foolishly, it's best to learn your mistakes. It's a LIFE LESSON.

MY money goes towards my son and helping my dad.

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOURS?
DO YOU HAVE THE SAME ISSUES LIKE I DO?

Being a Single Mother

21 years old and with a child. Yes I was not prepared for a child when I found out I was pregnant. I am no longer with the father of my child due to his childish selfish self. Moved back to Hawaii cause my family was all there.

No one said it was EASY raising and taking care of a child, but just looking at him I want to give my all to provide him with everything I can give him. Financial wise, my dad helps me out with everything. My mom helps me with him so I can sleep. I am grateful for my parents help. I had a job but due to that he is only 1 month, I decided to be a stay-home mom and take care of him than having a babysitter. I trust only certain of my family to watch him. I am very over-protective of my child.

                                                    

It has been almost 2 months since I gave birth to this precious little boy. He's already 12 pounds and 5 ounces. Big BOY! He's been a hand full lately. Always eating every 3-4 hours (8 oz bottle), doesn't like COLD water baths, loves to be with his mommy (me), and his smile will melt anyone's hearts. I am truly blessed to have this human being in my life.

If ya'll are wondering about having a father figure in his life, I don't want to be back with his father for what he's done to me and don't even once make effort in our son's life. Plus it's easy I have my dad and my brothers to be his father figure. Who says I need a guy in my or my son's life to be his father figure when you have family. 

I TRULY LOVE YOU MY SON! ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Love?

To everyone we thought "love" was two people opposite or same sex gender that both truly love each other. To me "love" is just a word that guys/girls just throw it out in the open with no feelings at all. I should know I was one of those foolish girls that thought love was something I wanted to hear from a guy than showing it. It was just one of those typical teenager days, wanting to find a boyfriend so badly cause I disliked being alone and single in high school. Foolishly I looked online than just meeting one in person. My first ex-boyfriend he was from Alaska. We would always find a way to talk. Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook. Went move to Alaska to be with him, but I should've seen the signs. Always asked for nude pictures. Broke up because he didn't had the same feelings anymore. Second ex-boyfriend was in Colorado. We both had everything in common but he was always wanted sexual intercourse everyday. Broke up because he said he might go to jail so I ended up living with my cousin in Kansas. And last but more least the recent third ex-boyfriend/baby daddy. At first he showed me how much I meant to him but that was over the phone and on Skype. Then he came to Kansas to live with me. It was the best feeling to have someone that actually cared and loved me for me. Then we both found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. Both of us were happy but deep down I knew something wasn't right or felt the same about him. Me and him both went our ways to be with our family cause I knew my family would want to be with my child and not so far away. When he was in California with his family, he broke up with me cause he said "I don't see US in the future." By that time my heart broke, we planned out everything for our little bundle of joy. Then later on he told me, "While I was with you, I was talking to my ex behind your back cause I still loved her." I was fed up and I stopped talking to him. We only talk about our child but then all those months I was pregnant and when my son was finally born, he still hasn't made any effort. No money, doesn't call me for himself, no video chat call to see him, and not even once asked what my son needed. Still from this day. Found out he's too busy being with his 5 or more girlfriend in American Samoa. So I felt the need to block him off of everything. Not because he won it's because he screenshots pictures of my son like he actually care. I'm sick and tired of being played. You want to ask me what is love? I would've said I don't know with all these guys that I explained to you what is love with another person.

To me now, love is Family and God. But mostly when I gave birth to my most precious human being that God has given me and that would be my son. Now that's love seeing your own little creation for the first time, you could say it was "Love At First Sight." You don't need a guy/girl to love you for who you are. You have family and God that'll love you no matter what the situation your in or how other people judge you. They love you for just being you. Remember that. God will never ever leave your side. He will always remain in your heart and soul.

Ka'uhane

What does Ka'uhane mean?

Ka'uhane means "the soul" My first child's middle name is this because to me he is "the soul" of this family. Ka'uhane is like bringing the light in our darkest days. When ever I look at this bundle if joy that God has given me, all my worries and my troubles are gone. All I can do is give him all the love and affection he deserves in this life..  

Chadwick Jr, Ka'uhane Kuamo'o-Vincent